Whoe's Image am I? How do I find out??

(This is the rest of the post from my Deirdra Doan art blog. I created this blog to go deeper into my true self beyond the part of my self that is involved in creating Art.) 

So was it any wonder that the God of Abraham who was the great  I AM that I AM was distressed by this.(the only one who is the source of His own being uncreated).  It made Him sad for His creation to see them being deceived because He was the Only God who could answer their prayers for real!!! They where his creatures he loved and wanted relationship with. He knew this was all so very futile and would hurt them and bring more death not Life for themselves and their children's children .....

He knew people could never know him if they where putting their hopes in a lie that was getting bigger and bigger. How would they ever get a true image of who they where! How could they ever know themselves looking to these false images of god and not truth. 

So on the subject of  "Whose image are you"? We originally get our identity from our parents, our world and what we believe. If there was wounding or truth that was not told  false images and false personality's develop as we look to the wrong places..when we don't look to the Truth. 

I believe that the Truth is in Christ. And I can find my true self if I am willing to put down all these old images I have looked to. And this is the process I have been in lately. 

A slow process. My first bog started in the Fall of 2007 shows how I have slowly progressed! The first thing I needed to confront was self hatred of my own artistic talents. I 
faced that square on when I decided to go the first "Art and Soul".  I talk about it in the first post..Check out my first Blog Post from my Deirdra Doan Art blog here.

So today I was reading a scripture. Psalm 135:15-18. And the verses talked about idols…Wow….

15 The idols of the nations are silver and gold, the work of men’s hands.

16 [Idols] have mouths, but they speak not; eyes have they, but they see not;

17 They have ears, but they hear not, nor is there any breath in their mouths.

18 Those who make [idols] are like them; so is everyone who trusts in and relies on them.

Who's image do you want to be like???? The Truth and the Life or idols created by the men???

I choose Life "La Chaim" I am looking to Life to find my true self in Him. There seems no other way. 

More on Image...

I came to the passage above a couple days ago while once again encountering my self and my true self coming into question. Who am I really. 

But now Who am I to be …how do I find my sense of Being and Well Being???

After coming out of this dark place of depression for the past 4 months  (that I find my self occasionally falling into over the years.) I have been finding new insight into the process of my brokeness the way out through Leanne Payne's book. "Broken Image".

A couple days ago a part of my identity was being attacked or questioned again in my mind.  needed to find out where this guilt and fear was coming from. What is the root?

Who's voice was I listening to..the past the enemy or the world. It certainly wasn't God. 

 I was on my way to Portland to buy some wool to make a vest for my husband. I felt my identity being attacked in my head. I used to think I knew some of who I was and my place in relationship to my family and world. 

In the 50's it was good to love you husband, have time to make beautiful meals, keep a lovely home that was a sanctuary for your self and your family, be with your children. Work together with your husband on the family or the family biz. 

I went to University to get a degree in Art because I didn't want to work outside the home. And I had a gift of Art and desire to bless my home and family. I wanted to be at home to be part of a family.

This was good. But then times changed. Men could leave you ….. after years of investing in your family..and take it all with them..the things you built together and you are left with nothing. No career of money. You put all your time in His career and don't have one you built your self. 

Women realized this and said no! I am gifted I can make my own way. You know it was reasonable to do that. It is a reality through hard hearts that this happens all the time to women. 

And sometimes women don't want to be home they have gifts that don't fit in the home and need to be expressed outside the home. 

So now we have the freedom to do that Yeah!!! Thank you Ladies for fighting for us to have that.

But what about me. Who am I called to be or do as a women. 

I have a dear friend who is wise in this journey. She talked to me. What caused this. Did someone say something to me? No my husband likes what I do int he family and cherishes me. Friends always tell me how great things about my contribution to my own life and life and my husband and our career together. Where is this coming from?

She pointed out that it was coming from this root of not knowing I was Loved! It came from the conditional love that most parents and people put on us that is rooted in what we do. Doing not being. I have made an idol out of my self and looking to what I do to say who I am. But what if I can't do or be something big and special Then who am I??? 

(Pretty pathetic little self or man made votive idol…looking to worship the false god in the temple and getting some joy out of others following me like the little Votive idol in the temple who had their own worshipers that worshiped at their idol??? yuck….Now that is self idolatry trying to feel good…It comes out of self loathing and narcissism. And that comes from not being loved to life so you take a false image and false truth and false identity to comfort yourself. You separate your self out of fear. and so on….making your own world as the real world was not to be trusted.)

As I am letting down the shell I have become more vulnerable to pain and yet this gives me a chance to look to the real and come out of the false image. 

So on the phone while driving to Portland..midst the tears and cell phone minutes...

She read to me this verse before the one above about idols.

Psalm 135:14

The Lord judges me, vindicates me, has mercy on me gives me Favor..because I separate myself from the idols of the world and look to Him for my image. 

I don't have to look to my self or others to tell me who I am I just need to trust Him to show me. As idol worshipers look on their man made dead idols they become like what they look on…if I look on Him the source of LIFE not death I can become like Him. For he is Life and Life abundantly…

I saw what was wrong I was looking in the wrong place I was looking to what the times are saying about me and my role as a woman……I turned my gaze to my Source of Identity for that moment. And the fear and guilt and tears left! 

I am OK right now because He says I am.  She prayed for me and Peace came…..I had a lovely rest of the day!! I can take joy in my doings when I look to Him. I can take joy in my artistic little self who loves to sew and cook and make art…and make things BEAUTIFUL!!

Check out my first Blog Post from my Deirdra Doan Art blog here. I am going into my 7th year..A year of completion..??? Or new beginnings of the next phase of realizing my True Self.